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Post by Darryl James on May 6, 2008 16:58:54 GMT -5
I'm conducting yet another Poll to see where people's attitudes are today regarding dating. Please vote the way you actually conduct yourself on dates.
The Poll question is: "Are you open to sex on the first date?" If yes or no, please leave a comment as to why. If none of the choices appeal to you, please vote "Other" and then leave a comment explaining why. Please be sure to take a few moments to actually vote in the poll.
If you wish to add commentary, please do so. I really want to know what men and women think about dating in 2008.
Darryl James
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Post by clotel on May 6, 2008 17:15:03 GMT -5
Dating should be all about having fun while attempting to meet someone new. It is not about pimping someone out on the food or drink tip, it should involve light conversation and lots of laughter. A cool place would be a nice hotel bar with an ocean view and minimal people which allows for decent conversation without shouting. As for who should pay, just go dutch since it is a first meeting and let go of all the FALSE expectations and imaginary lists, just have fun.
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Post by browndude on May 6, 2008 17:22:31 GMT -5
No to sex on the first date. I value my sperm too much than to give it to someone that I know very little about. The first date is to open the realm of communications to get to know more about the other person.
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Post by ladyg7752 on May 6, 2008 17:37:52 GMT -5
For reasons too numerous to mention here, I prefer NOT to have sex on the first date. I believe that friends make better lovers. I'd like to take the time to become friends first.
Neither am I comfortable with men who, when planning the first date by phone, even HINT that sex will take place on the first date.
I usually suggest to those men that they may be happier with someone else who wants to take things at a faster pace I wish them the best without proceeding with our meeting plans.
Why create unnecessary drama for myself when the guy has made his intentions clear?
I like to meet a person for coffee or a light meal (a sandwich & a soda) in a place where we can converse to know each other better.
I agree with the poster who said that whoever does the asking does the paying. I've had NO problem with men suggesting (and paying for!) dinner on a first date.
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Post by nfamous on May 6, 2008 18:14:26 GMT -5
Didn't see where to leave comment but I'm definitely down with it. I need the stress relief since meaningful relationships are so hard to come by these days. Honestly I don't date. I haven't found any women worth dating that aren't shallow or just want a thug. It doesn't matter where you meet them either. It can be a stripper or a churchgirl. They are all the same these days and most of them are angry as hell too because of the kids they got stuck with when their thug-loser left them. Screw black women. I'm moving on. I can't waste my entire life trying to be patient with him and make them feel secure when they are are the ones continuously messing up their own lives. Then they say we can't handle a strong black woman. Just because you have a job, a car, a house and are a single mother doesn't make you strong. That just makes you a consumer with a deadbeat dad. They also say there are no "real" men out there. Bullcrap dog. I'm one but they don't want me: a thinker, a romantic, a provider with no kids and no bils. They go straight for the losers every time so let them have them. They deserve it. I know there are still some un-confused and non-angry black women out there. I'm just tired of looking just like "Diary of a Tired Black Man" demonstrated.
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angel
New Member
Posts: 3
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Post by angel on May 6, 2008 19:44:41 GMT -5
The first date is an opportunity to get to know a person and determine if we're compatible, have things in common, share the same values, etc. I am absolutely against sex on a first date. Sex is the ultimate level of intimacy where physically two people actually become one! Sex is precious and sacred. I prefer to share this type of intimacy only with someone with whom I share a committed relationship. If sex is introduced too early in the relationship it stirs powerful emotions and clouds judgement, resulting in misunderstanding and hurt feelings.
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Post by seleniascott on May 6, 2008 20:20:05 GMT -5
Am I open to sex on the first date? AM I OPEN... hmmm ... I am open to alot of things. . . LOL! As a general rule, having sex on the first date is a no-no for me. I am trying to think if I have ever had sex on the first date? I dont remember it if I did, LMAO! But I certainly recall a hot/heavy date that I had to force to leave because sex was too soon on the agenda and if he didnt leave soon... I might have exposed myself to the best sex of my life! LOL! I married that man and I still regret not going for it!! Ahahahaha!
I dont judge anyone that would have sex on the first date, sex is a natural progression of physical attraction. I believe that circumstances and situations could have you doing the no-no on a first date or even on a non-date for that matter. We are human beings with animal instincts - if the vibe is right, timing is good - you could be driven to let go of that "moral compass" and throw it out the window. It could happen - but we should excercise the will power to keep sex out of the dating phase, and reserve it for the commitment phase because sex is a powerful excercise and is always being misused by the wrong motives.
The next topic should be: The Misuse of Sex and Its Effects. What's YOUR Motive?
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Post by asiaticblackwoman on May 6, 2008 23:17:28 GMT -5
The answer is an emphatic NO! no matter how "connected" the person seems to be or how strong the attraction, a man will always be old fashion no matter how modern times are.
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Post by karlawithak on May 7, 2008 1:17:33 GMT -5
No, I don't think sex on the first date is wise. Dating is for gathering data to reflect on as you consider the kind of relationship you anticipate. I don't believe you can gather enough reliable data on the first date to determine if its worth risking the mixing of bodily fluids.
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Post by izhereal8 on May 7, 2008 1:55:05 GMT -5
MY ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION IS NO? WHEN PEOPLE ENGAGE OR HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE OR MAKE LOVE WHAT EVER THEY WANT TO CALL IT, IT SHOULD HAVE MEANING. HAVING SEX ON THE 1ST DATE TAKES AWAY ALL OF THE MYSTICISM AND THEN U ARE LIKE OKAY WHAT IS NEXT? IF THE TWO REALLY CARE ABOUT ONE ANOTHER THEN LOVEMAKING OR SEX SHOULD BE CHERISHED AND ACTED UPON WITH SIGNIFICANT MEANING OR ELSE THEN IT IS JUST SOME PUMPS AND THEN YOU ARE DONE.
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Post by wurldtravler on May 7, 2008 8:52:16 GMT -5
Nfamous, you are correct about the bitter women (non reality based), but it boils down to more of a societal flaw. Our society breeds emotional idiots. It took a while before I realized that the majority of women I dated were manic depressive (bipolar). Also the strong black woman is an indicator that a woman did not have a strong black man in the household or raised by a single mother who was also aggressive. Strong = aggressive or not knowing their role in a relationship. Yes, to sex on the first date if it is feasible. I have had sex on the first date and dated the women for years. I have also known that I could have had sex on the first date and waited until the second date (my wife). Giving up the sex on the first date or thinking that making someone wait 3 months is an indicator of how the relationship will play itself out is just sheer stupidity. Connecting with a person on an intellectual level is the indicator. Sex is just frosting while getting to that level.
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Post by Darryl James on May 7, 2008 11:01:51 GMT -5
Great comments! I always want to know what people think, but at the end of the day, it’s about what you are comfortable with and what results your action brings. You have to ask yourself (especially women, since the results can be more detrimental for them) “Is my method working for me?” If it is, do your thing, but if it is not, you may want to make a change. Men have always been more open to quick and easy sex than women, however, many women of today have joined men, with some thinking that they are garnering freedom, yet they aren’t always happy with the results of that “freedom.” I’ve heard women say that men can’t handle women with sexual freedom, but really, the man may just be looking at you as a whore, not as a free person. On the other hand, I know that many men don’t care about when sex happens, they are paying more attention to the connection, the intellect and the conversation.
There are a lot of things to consider, including sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, etc. However, I agree with wurldtraveler, that thinking a program of waiting X amount of days, weeks or months will achieve some desired goal is ridiculous. We have to get to the point where we have a defined method for examining potential sexual partners.
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Post by angiejones4280 on May 7, 2008 11:54:42 GMT -5
I voted "MAYBE" because whenever I was single - i'd date just to have fun. You know from jump rather you're sexually attracted to a person or not - so you automatically know where you want things to go. For the most part I'd just kick it and hang out with different men, but then this one came along and there was IMMEDIATE attraction - pure physical. I didn't want a relationship, only casual sex and that's what we did from time-to-time. He was the one that wanted to take it further (a relationship), but I wouldn't because he wasn't intellectual. He was only sexual. You have to know what category to put people in when dating. Don't try to make someone something they are not!
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Post by filmzilla on May 7, 2008 12:24:16 GMT -5
dating is about having fun and getting to know somebody, good and bad. sex is based on attraction and communication. some people need instant gratification.
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Post by solacim on May 8, 2008 0:44:35 GMT -5
I'm conducting yet another Poll to see where people's attitudes are today regarding dating. Please vote the way you actually conduct yourself on dates. The Poll question is: "Are you open to sex on the first date?" If yes or no, please leave a comment as to why. If none of the choices appeal to you, please vote "Other" and then leave a comment explaining why. Please be sure to take a few moments to actually vote in the poll. If you wish to add commentary, please do so. I really want to know what men and women think about dating in 2008. Darryl James Many here will view first date sex as dangerous and almost 'One-night-standish'. But there are instances where the first date may follow initial contact with someone that was fairly lengthy. I remember a time, when I was single, where I was working at an out-door Fair on behalf of my company (we were sponsers of a vehicle give-away). I met one of the Fair organizers on the first day of the Fair at a kick-off luncheon. We sat next to each other at lunch. We interacted all day on several occasions until midnight at the Fair. I suggested that we should have dinner soon during one of several conversations. The next evening, we both were working at the Fair, but decided to leave around 7 and go to Santa Monica for dinner. We cliqued immediately and talked and tinked glasses for three hours, and then went for a ride on the coast in my new car. We never made it to her apartment....sex by the ocean in the back seat of a luxury car with Prince slow jams playing....it was the sexiest, most passionate thing either of us had done in a while. So there it was....first date sex. And it was goooood! Very passionate and exciting.
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