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Post by Darryl James on Apr 14, 2008 11:20:30 GMT -5
I'm conducting a poll to see where people's attitudes are today. Please vote the way you actually conduct yourself on dates.
If you wish to add commentary, please do so. I really want to know what men and women think about this in 2008.
Darryl James
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Post by rhondarightway on Apr 14, 2008 12:47:39 GMT -5
Nowadays, it's hard to say! I haven't been on a date in a while. But, my personal opinion even at my young age of 47, I do believe that women should not expect to have a man pay for dates. Why would you? Just to see if he's financially stable or what?!?!?! Sometimes, it's all a FRONT for him!!! And at times, it's used as a tool(when a guy pays), as a "pass" to give up something a woman is not ready to do. I know I'm stretching it, but that still goes on. I here from friends. If I was to go on a date, I would not "expect" for the guy to pay, but if he insist then ALRIGHT THEN!!!
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Post by missmae on Apr 14, 2008 13:06:16 GMT -5
I am in a live in relationship and we still take time to date after ten years. We try to do it at least once a month we take turns taking each other out and trying new things, this keeps the relationship new and alive.
You have to continue to do the things that attracted you to the person in the first place.
I believe the person who asks the person out should pay for the date. If a woman ask a man out then she should pay for him and vice versa.
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Post by karnita on Apr 14, 2008 19:34:38 GMT -5
I'm also 47 and I don't date much. I do believe in an equal distrubution of finances. I pay for dates at times especially when U want to go somewhere, but not alone.
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Post by smchadwic on Apr 14, 2008 21:38:55 GMT -5
I selected every other date but I don't necessarily agree with that. I think it should be up to each individual but fair. Some men like paying just as some women like doing so as well. It really just depends.
Now I will say that aside from being treated to dinner, how about a just saying hello! LOL I don't know if it's just where I live but brotha's now days don't even speak. It's a mess.
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Post by juneteen on Apr 20, 2008 1:20:42 GMT -5
OMG I do not understand why this is even a question. It is definitely characteristic of the twenty-first century. Yes, when a man pays for the date it is indicative of his ability to support a family as well as his willingness to share a very important part of himself. I have been in relationships where the man didn't have any money. I had no problem paying. I have been in relationships where I attempted to pay and the man stopped me. I believe that a man who pays experiences a sense of accomplishment. I was not an ERA advocate. I believe in taking care of my man in the way that is natural to woman. I don't want any man to believe that I want to take his place or be treated as a man. In a true relationship the question of who pays is null. The money belongs to both and is used for the benefit of both.
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Post by Darryl James on Apr 20, 2008 11:55:46 GMT -5
Juneteen, why are you confused as to why this is a question? Perhaps this isn’t an issue in your own life (which I doubt), but it affects nearly everyone. Times have changed and there are just too many schools of thought for any individual to believe that their ideas are standard. In fact, your confusion is the reason why this is a question. And, it’s crazy that you, as a woman, are talking about what men feel when they pay. I personally don’t feel any "sense of accomplishment" when I pay. However, I do feel a sense of partnership when a woman offers to pay. And, if a man is demonstrating an ability to support a family and willingness to share a part of himself, then why are women asking them to do it before he even knows whether he likes her or not? As a woman, are you willing to share an "important" part of yourself when you first start dating someone? I doubt it, but you have those expectations of men. Really, we need to take money out of the equation and focus on personalities, coping skills, future goals, family backgrounds, etc. the focus on having the man pay has created some really difficult situations that have harmed otherwise good relationships.
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Post by wurldtravler on Apr 25, 2008 8:59:22 GMT -5
On the first date, it is best to meet for coffee so that you can get to know each other. I used to meet women over dinner, in which I would pay. After meeting them, I had no interest in seeing them again. I learned my lesson quickly as that was an expensive way to weed out women. I am not paying for a woman's time, if there is a mutual connection then she should reciprocate in paying every other time. Some men feel that paying puts them in charge. That is just their low self-esteem -- the same as men or women who brag about what they do or how much they make on a date.
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Post by tonie818 on Apr 30, 2008 16:50:31 GMT -5
The way that I date now is who ever does the asking does the paying. It seems to work for me and I have never had a man complain.
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