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Post by thuso on Aug 9, 2006 7:47:49 GMT -5
I am a grandfather, and my wife and I just finished 10 days of "Grandparent Duty." Our grandchildren are 2 and 4 1/2. I must say that 10 days of high energy substitute parenting was quite a chore. Our daughter and her husband deposited the grandchildren with us, complete with 2 type-written pages of instructions about naps, meals, bed time, no baby-talk, and disciplinary options. They have the goal of raising their children without having to whip them. Neither of them was raised without a whipping, but that's their goal. Amazingly, with all the possibilities for sibling rivalry, meeting and interacting with other kids, trips to the store, the library, the zoo, the playground, church, videos, computer games, and toys to share -- we managed the entire period without even having to threaten a whipping. The two-year old's vocabulary increased everyday with new discoveries. The (almost) five-year old was mostly a "big brother" to his younger sister. They met new children and played harmoniously like little adults. We had to commend our daughter and son-in-law for the great job they have done in helping their children to adapt without temper tantrums or social adjustment problems in a strange environment. We had secretly said to ourselves, "We'll whip them if we have to. They won't take advantage of us because they think they won't get a whipping." It turned out that they responded positively to firm discipline - "It's time to eat." "You must take your nap now." "Don't touch those things that aren't your toys." "Be polite and say hello to the new children." "Share the toys in the nursery. They aren't yours." They asked the typical "Why?" more often than we like to answer. But we gained a lot watching them process the answers, and repeat them to us two days later. And most amazingly, the 2-year old responded to normal adult language -- "Don't pick up those things." Don't go down the steps to the basement." "Play in the yard. Don't go out to the street." It was amazing that civilized dialog, and patience in reasoning with their capacity to understand actually resulted in mannerable children without having to recite a lot of rules, or threaten punishment. I was most impressed with two phrases from her -- "Let me do it!" and "I need help." She had learned to say "Thank you" and "please" with meaning. I still smile to hear her say, "Oh, thank you!" I have concluded that the "Problem With Kids Today" is bad kids who grew up to be parents. Kids today are having to deal with "baby mommas" and "baby daddies" who are off the hook. How could you manage in an environment that is so helter-skelter that the parents don't display consistent, loving, disciplined, mannerable behavior. During our grand-children's stay, we had the occasion to have several adults "apologize for their behavior in front of the kids." These are the folks whipping children today. I seem to recall that my parents and grandparents, and cousins modeled the behavior they were whipping me to conform to (for the most part). I could actually see that they meant it when they said, "This is for your own good." Nowadays, children sit in front of TV's that are going constantly, with all forms of programming -- booty shaking, cussing, sexually explicit behavior, and violence. They see behavior from adults that would make a sailor blush. Then the parents want to whip their children who imitate the behavior that they see in front of them all day and night. THE PROBLEM WITH KIDS TODAY IS PARENTS.
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Post by robxb on Sept 15, 2007 1:47:38 GMT -5
Darryl is right on point! He's not talking about beating the child daily for mistakes. I think the discipline African Americans children received in my days (60's and 70's) was beneficial. -It made me know there were consequences to not listening to people in authoritative positions. -I think the discipline in those days in those days made black boys more masculine.
On the other hand I was posed with a question that I still ponder: -Are we black kids less risk takers in life because we know there are consequences? (White kids with "NO FEAR" written all over their attitude and perspective on life) -Are we black kids who got beat more introverted and downright scary in certain situations that linger into adulthood? (Less risk takers?)
-Does it leave mental scars that may cause us when we eventually become parents to recklessly beat our kids if they were not taught the reason for their whippings?
I know one thang for sure I think that little to no discipline leads a black child in our society leads boys being: -Soft mentally (I think some can't really handle living on their own life choices). I personally see these cats living off relatives and living off their mate as a backup to their non serious behavior about life.
-indecisive -more avant gard (Artsy...becuase they don't see life as rigid as others....life is a computer game to them) -they cling to family, friends or mates for financial and/or emotional crutches.
This is not to say that various forms of discipline is guaranteed to spit out a "type" of child. Other factors like peers, parental involvement in child's activities, genes(have u ever said "man he's never seen his father but rears up just like him"?) also are contributing factors.
The best way to raise our children is to support them whole heartedly, let them know that their options in this world are open for them to do and be anything in life....but when they mess up they will pay for the error........
I am a living representative that a a#$ whooping every now and then made me respect my position in life.
Take Britney Spears, PWT, now a star who is completely out of control....Paris Hilton....a complete disgrace...her only savior is her fame and money! Black kids can't afford to be a Britney or Hilton because once in the system we are typically "blackballed for life"
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rascar
Full Member
wen yuh fala dog, i ker yu go deh na dutty bax=If you follow a dog, it'll lead you to the trash heap
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Post by rascar on Sept 16, 2007 14:22:41 GMT -5
I agree with corporal discipline, but there are rules to that as well. I am a child of the 90's and in my household, discipline was the order of the day. If I disobeyed, fought with my brother, stole or broke something or if I moved the window veil and left the window permeable to prying eyes, I would get various sets of beatings. Two main ones..The first one being that I would have to kneel down with my hands stretched out, untill my arms were numb, and then I would be beaten with a plastic, wooden or metal stick. This was when she wanted to teach me a lesson and was fair, and psychologically, there was more to gain. The kneeling down is champion in this regard. The second one being what I call her "wild out" mode, when she would just lose it and start swinging for me giving me punches and slaps and the like in all directions. But still, I knew the bounderies. I couldn't look at my mother sideways, nor sigh when she said something, nor raise my voice, nor swear around her. I couldn't back answer or challenge her, if not a swift slap would afflict me and I could NEVER be disrespectful, even to this day, even though her beatings would have no effect on me(although she did throw a 5liter bottle in my face last year before throwing me out, lol). Thats the way that I was raised, and I learned discipline and I learned about actions and consequences. I also learned to be a leader, because I can remember school yard bullies meaning not-a-thing to me. As far as I was concerned my mother and my uncle were the baddest two people I knew (of course as I grew up and started to mix with the wrong crowd, I realized that they had been the good guys, lol). So it taught me responsabilty, respect but leadership and humility. But then there was another side to it. Sometimes my mother would take it too far and lay me on the ground and pour hot kettle water on me. Or kick and stomp me up, whilst still on the ground, for the least. And my mothers punishment wasn't so much corporal as it was mental and pyschological. This instilled me with anger and so the beatings recieved at night, would be reciprocated to anyone I could catch in the day. Usually a bigger kid. I had a lot of insecurities as a result of the verbal slurs my mother would inflict on me, and though I had my independent side, another side of me was confused and angry. This was also due to the fact that because, at times, I got beaten badly by my mother and allowed people to beat me the same at school. I was bullied, until I struck back, which again, was more of a mental morph than one with a physical angle of significance. The discipline war really maintained by my uncle. A good tempered, softly spoken young man but with a stern side. My first real role model. He would maintain the civil ballance in the household, and thus the task of beating was often passed to him. I noticed, however, that this was not the case for my white friends and saw something interresting with bi-racial children. It being this: in general, bi-racial children with white mothers and black fathers tended to be badly behaved and more "black" in that sense(attitude, etc) as opposed to biracial offspring of black women and white men, in which case the children had a tendency to be well behaved and polite. This EVEN in cases where the black father was with his white wife. It is my belief that white women are often submissive to their kids as they are their men and so let the kids run amock, as opposed to the black women who maintain the disciplinary factor and the culture (It could also be due to the low status of the bm/ww couple and the wm sought by bw being of higher social standing). I come from a West African background and so the Africaness from which African-American culture was influenced and ultimately spawned, was more prevalent in my upbringing, whereas in todays America, through desegregation, African-Americans are losing their culture at a fast pace. It takes a village to raise a child, meaning that if your mother doesnt see you misbehaving, dont think that you are getting away. The lady at the bus stop will straighten you out, and probably even forgo her journey to drag you home herself. Thats the African way and it is being lost for this AngloSaxon culture(Portuguese and Irish practice beatings). And on TV, if you turn on Nickleodeon, you've got these white children speaking anyway to their parents, and so kids watching this grow up thinking that this is the way of life. What gives you the right to talk in a disrespectful manner to your parents? Do you pay rent, put food on the table, pay the bills? If someone were to break into the house, whose name would you cry out? And then you speak to them as if they are your age-mates? Where I come from, if you are caught speaking to your mother like that, you're getting a beat down by ANYone present. I am for discipline, but where it works. Apply it well and explain to your child why he is getting the beating, which is what my uncle would do (sometimes even allowing(not beating us) us a beating because we have understood now, and the nearly recieving can be at times more effective than the recieving. To stay lucky we might not do it again) and what my mother NEVER did. She would tell me to not do one thing, then turn around and do it herself, then chastize me about being the parent and not having to answer to me. That is maybe true, but what is also true is that that is not good parenting. You do not pull rank on your children unwarranted, it sends mixed signals which can have a crucial effect on the childs sense of right and wrong ("I can do this to this person, but not to that person" when in reality they shouldnt be doing it at all). And unlike my mother believes, not everything warrants a beating. And the better job you do parenting, the less beatings you find yourself having to dish out.
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ace
Full Member
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Post by ace on Jun 5, 2008 2:09:26 GMT -5
Thought it seems our children have gone hay wire as compared to the days when we were their age,their way of thinking in this day is totally different from the we think.They seem to have no sense of direction or any consious thought of any recompense for the folly of their ways,no concerns for the punishment that may follow for their actions and the decisions that they make in life. However I perticularily plain it on Rap and Hip Hop music,and the negative influences behind it. Allow me to elaborate on what I mean,first of all music is one the most influenial ways to move a people to action,to persuade a person to do and act a certian way. I'm I saying that Rap and Hip Hop music can make a person do certians things,occourse not,no more then Gospel music can make a person a christian,but all three froms of music is very influenial in drawing a person or people to making a decision,make a free choice. Music is like going fishing,you use bate to catch fish,the right bate catchest the right size fish or fishes. Music in the same matter you use the right music and the right lyrics to get people to listen,but it's not the music or the lyrics that move people,it's the spirit that is behind the music and the lyrics captivates the minds people to move. The same way in fishing,it's not the bate that on the line that catchest the fish,but rather the hook that is on the line that catchest the fish,the hook is the very thing the fish don't see,but the bate draws them. Therefore music used rightly can influence in right decisions,in right motives,and sound jugdement.
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Post by Cheryl on Sept 25, 2008 15:24:07 GMT -5
I work in behavioral health as a mentor...and many of the children are angry and suffer from depression due to so many of our throwaway kids being in foster care! This dynamic of motherless and fatherless children has left our kids hopeless and certain behaviors start to manifest because they have not been nurtured by their own blood relatives and they soon feel disconnected! Some people can never imagine what it's like to grow up in foster home after foster home, where a great number of these kids are molested and beaten! It's a wonder they act the way they do! I follow the teachings of DR. Francis Cress Welsing, Dr. Claude Anderson, Amos wilson and many others of our great Black think tank....we are products of social engineering and we are living in the after effects of such an evil plot to destroy the Black race.
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Post by karnita on Oct 19, 2008 12:30:37 GMT -5
I feel not all children should/can be met with corporal punishment. I have a son with Autisum, and for years my husband thought we could beat it out of him. Apparently this was not the best course of action. I have since divorced this man and feel behavior modification and a few harsh words keep him in line. Thefact that he might get all his stuff taken away changes his behavior greatly.
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Post by Darryl James on Apr 19, 2010 11:28:16 GMT -5
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