Re: The Roots Of Christmas & Jesus, Part 1 « Result #1 on Dec 14, 2009, 9:53am »
Tonite--"The Roots of Christmas & Jesus" on blogtalkradio.com/DarrylJames is airing @ 7pm Pacific. Discuss where Christmas comes from and who Jesus really was. Listen from anywhere @ blogtalkradio.com/DarrylJames or call in and listen live from anywhere @ 347-857-2846. See the details and set a reminder at http://tobtr.com/s/815757.
Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. He released his first mini-movie, “Crack,” and this year, will release his first full-length documentary. James’ appears in the film “What Black Men Think,” an in-depth view of misrepresentations, myths and stereotypes about Black men. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com
Re: Black Women And White Men « Result #2 on Dec 10, 2009, 1:11pm »
I would not seriously date a black or white women in America because both of them have been tremendously damaged by white supremacy and consumerism.
You're a terribly misguided brother and no great loss to either the black woman or the white woman. Beware the asian woman that falls for your okey doke. The fact that you could make such a general statement about any woman proves that you know nothing about any woman. You're lost and whatever culture you're referring to you made it up because I can't think of one that would accept you after the first sentence out of your mouth.
Re: An Open letter To Bitter Women « Result #4 on Dec 6, 2009, 7:21pm »
Hi Darryl - As you can imagine, I'm not surprised by your reply. You seem to have a tendency to lash out at people who do not share your opinion. How I attacked you or nfamous personally I don't know as my post was simply a reaction to your words and not directed at your person. As a matter of fact, you are the one who is attacking me personally because you are calling me ignorant and stupid ("not very smart" = stupid, no?). Lucky that I don't offend easily, and intelligence really is a matter of interpretation. I will stand by my statement of you not being qualified to speak about feminism. Here is the reason. There is "understanding" in theory, and "understanding" in practice. If I tell you about my tooth ache, you will understand exactly how it feels because, presumably, your tooth ache feels like mine. If I tell you about labor pains, you can only understand the pain in theory, but never in practice. You know it hurts, but HOW it hurts, you'll never know. Just, as a man, you'll never understand the fear of being raped, for example. Yes, I know, a man can be raped as well, but you're now talking completely different scenarios. The questions you're bouncing back at me are just plain silly. Everyone knows that woman also sexually abuse children, and that there are some women who do not have custody of their children and do not pay child support. However, you are talking about the VAST minority here. As in, women who make the national news. Depending on where you get the data from, the statistics are approximately 85% of single moms to 15% of single dads. Much worse for sex offenders. WHY? Women having babies THEY can't afford (how about the dad who chose not to wear a condom affording half of them?), women not knowing their babies' daddy? I think you are now moving into a more complex socio-economic issue, no? Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't see this scenario in more affluent circles? Feminism, by the way, is not propaganda. It's a movement/theory aimed at providing equality to a minority. Just as radicalism is not a new concept. Rosa Parks, in her time, was a radical. Angela Davis, Malcolm X, the Black Panthers, all "radicals". I may be putting out a radical statement here, but every once in a while, "radicalism" moves things along. Again, I will tell you that I am not a bitter woman, neither am I a man hater. Bitterness is self-destructive, and I choose not to go that route. My OB/GYN is a man (even though he'll never know how menstrual cramps feel like), my partner is a man (and, believe it or not, I do menail labor like cook for him and may even consider washing his socks), I have a son who is not taught that all men should be castrated, my car sales person is a man, heck, I even have the occasional male friend who is allowed at my dinner table. You seem completely focused on women. Why? How about bitter men, bitter Jews, bitter Muslims, bitter African-Americans, bitter postal workers, bitter PETA members, bitter anything? Why are you separating, in your statements, black women from the "WHITE Feminazis"? You must either think that black women, who already, in the grande scheme of things. don't have a relationship with white women, are now following their lead, or that they are "not smart" enough (just using your words) to figure out that the way things are going is not really working. It takes two to tango, Darryl, and if you ask me, women are very forgiving human beings. You'd do better starting with the male side of things in your endeavor to unite. Why? Because men have been setting the rules over the course of history. We are, in the end, all a product of history and society. To make a change is an indivual choice, but not everyone has the means, support, background, or capability to do so. Again, I wish you a good night and an open mind.
Re: An Open letter To Bitter Women « Result #5 on Dec 4, 2009, 5:57am »
Angie, you are clearly a Bitter Woman. Deal with it and heal yourself. I made it clear in my piece that I wasn’t talking about all women. In fact, I always make it clear that I believe you angry, bitter women to be in the minority, but that you appear to be otherwise because of how loud you are. Now, while nfamous doesn’t make the distinction, he gives a concrete example of a real woman. The women he speaks of are real, even if he didn’t say that they are not all women. Of course they are real, because here you are attacking us personally because you disagree.
Aside from being bitter, Angie, you are not very smart. In fact, you are ignorant. Otherwise, you wouldn’t make such a simple minded statement as you did when claiming that I am not qualified to speak on feminism because I am not a woman. That’s really ignorant! Feminism is not rocket science, it is simplistic dogmatic propaganda. Just as there are whites who understand racism and Blacks who do not, there are men who understand feminism and women such as yourself who have no clue.
The things you suggest I write about are already in plentiful syndication from your girl Oprah, Essence and the other plentiful anti-man machines, blaming men all the way down the line. But, still, I have written about them and take the hard line, even if men are the blame for some of it. You won’t care because you have already dismissed research in favor of the silliness you spew. However, I could turn your questions on their head and ask of you: Why women are teaching each other not to do housework? Why women make babies with losers who already have babies they don’t take care of? Why women are having babies and can’t identify the father? Why women are having babies they can’t afford to take care of? Why don’t women pay child support when assigned? Why are young boys being sexed by their mothers and teachers? Why are women becoming more violent, especially towards their children? Any answers that don’t place all of the blame on men? I doubt it.
You are the classic tragic feminist “victim.” Everything wrong in society is the fault of some man or all men and any man who detracts must hate women. That dogmatic line of ignorance is at its end, because even women are rejecting it. You asked why Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton are not president, and the answers are simple: Michelle never ran and Hillary was rejected, especially BY WOMEN.
You could have posted your disagreement without the personal attacks and we could have had a real discussion. But typically, bitter people can only attack. I don’t agree with everything nfamous wrote, but I won’t attack him for it, because he didn’t attack me. You did.
Please don’t wish anyone an open mind, since yours is obviously slammed shut. You are a man-hater and probably in need of some serious therapy. Angie, this letter was clearly targeted at you, which is why you flipped out. Thanks for showing us how Bitter Women react to the truth. Good job!
« Last Edit: Dec 5, 2009, 3:12am by Darryl James »
Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. He released his first mini-movie, “Crack,” and this year, will release his first full-length documentary. James’ appears in the film “What Black Men Think,” an in-depth view of misrepresentations, myths and stereotypes about Black men. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com
Re: An Open letter To Bitter Women « Result #6 on Dec 3, 2009, 7:21pm »
Hello Darryl (and nfamous, since the two of you seem to be brothers in arms): First off, I am not a bitter woman even though some of the nonsense you're writing could tip any woman in that direction. I don't know if I want to laugh or cry over the things you say, but worse yet, over the things that nfamous writes. As a matter of fact, I have a bit of a feeling that you are bitter men who are afraid of not getting their dinner cooked anymore if feminists get their (evil) way anytime soon. Second, neither of the two of you is really qualified to speak of feminism (yes, yes, I know you've done all of the research and have probably written the occasional book on the subject) for the very simple reason that you are NOT women, and as such can never TRULY understand why women are feminists, radical feminists, or, uhm, "bitter". You are not only gender divider(s) but also race divider(s). Instead of going on and on about radical feminists and bitter women, why don't you write about: Why men don't do their share of the housework? Why men make babies and skip out without paying child support? In which case, why there is no adequate child care provided for single moms? And really: Why are there all of these single moms but hardly any single dads? Why little girls are fondled by their daddies? Why women can't walk down the street at night without looking over their shoulders? Why women are not safe in their own homes? Why women are raped, tortured, beaten, maimed every day still in 2010? Why Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton are not the president? There are some subjects for you. As to nfamous: "Men are not NATURALLY monogamous creatures"....but women are??? Where in the world are you getting your information? The bible? I already know that you will put me in your box of "radical" and "bitter" but, alas, I've said my piece. I also know that you will blame it all on the white patriarchial society (keep in mind, though, that the "patriarch" in that statement refers to YOU based on gender association). With this, I wish you a good night and an open mind.
Re: An Open letter To Bitter Women « Result #7 on Dec 3, 2009, 5:27pm »
I just wanted to relate something to you Daryl. These angry, bitter, spiteful, hateful, resentful and downright evil black women are a product usually of their own making. It's like you said about personal responsibility. No one chooses who black women date or choose to have kids with. They choose the man and then the man decides whether he will respect them or not. When it goes bad women realize that they screwed up, probably basing their decision on superficial factors, then they immediately look for someone to blame rather than accepting responsibility for their bad judgment. Is it completely their fault? Of course not. Many of us come from broken homes and single mother families but that doesn't doom us to failure any more than coming from a good home guarantees success. Women need to deal with their loneliness issues. Many young black women purposely get knocked up because they have a fear of abandonment and they think a baby is something that will never leave them but that baby will eventually grow up and leave to live their own life as well. It's a temporary fix for their intimacy issues from being emotionally and sometimes physically abused by losers, thugs, womanizers, gigolos and even relatives. There's a reason they say nice guys finish last. It's because the losers get laid with no responsibility to the woman by gaming them while the nice guys clean up the emotional and financial mess. Well those guys are a dying breed now. I refuse to accept the blame for anything negative that has happened to any black woman in their past and that includes Oprah. Stedman don't want her but he don't mind the money. My cousin Beverly was married for a few years to a guy she thought was her Prince Charming soulmate but he cheated on her. (Men are not naturally monogamous creatures but that is another topic). They had two kids in the marriage and he already had one from a previous one. She divorced him and became obsessed about getting revenge on him with child support. Today in court she lost but maintained custody and now she is contemplating suicide. How selfish is that? She still has two beautiful children that need her and she is upset about not being able to get revenge on her ex-husband because she made a mistake in her choice. It is a painful cycle but if you are going to be an adult you need to demonstrate grown-up character. There is a backlash against women right now and deservedly so. They have been denying they are the weaker sex for decades and at the same time using that defense to take financial advantage of men when relationships go bad, especially when there are children involved. The states and federal government have been taking their sides and trying to replace fathers in the home with Social Services. These days are coming to an end. The double standards are being obliterated. Many women think equality means equal in the workplace but chivalry in their personal lives. That ain't happenin' man. You have to make a choice. Either you are going to be a real woman who nurtures and loves or you are going to be one of these products of a gender neutral society and end up miserable for the rest of the your life thanks for what I call quasi or pseudo-feminism. I feel for my cousin but this is the best thing that could ever have happened to her. Maybe now she can face her own demons and stop dating light-skinned pretty boys who are renowned as players, not that all shades of brothers don't do it.
Re: The Bridge: Why Radical Feminism Is Failing « Result #8 on Nov 23, 2009, 9:03am »
Lavalady sounds like a typical black woman. There are no words for their inability to understand what they are saying or doing. They simply react emotionally to everything personally. They have to win or have the last word. They have no ability to compromise on anything. They have usually been hurt or abandoned at an early age and spend the rest of their lives taking it out on black men and mankind. You cannot have a fruitful dialogue and debate with someone that is so self-obsessed. It is pointless and will yield nothing to the greater cause. You just have to let black women continue to suffer until their own pain and agony wakes them up. For most it never will. They will die bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful and alone. It is what they deserve no less for not reaching deeper inside themselves to find the answers to these issues.
Black people, men and women alike, are victims of this white patriarchal society. Black men are not born disrespecting black women. Many societies in Africa are matriarchal. We are taught that by white men, who disrespect themselves and all women with this culture of materialism, instant gratification and lack of spirituality. "It's all about the benjamins. Get rich or die tryin'. I'm trying to stack my paper. I can do bad all by myself." We hear these phrases all the time that worship accumulation of wealth and the self but black people don't even understand what money really signifies. It means nothing to the universe or God. The white man has given it significance for himself and it is an abstraction of purity and perfection which he considers the opposite of blackness, filth and dirt. These are unresolved childhood psychological issues and we have allowed the white man to also make them ours. When we forsook our mother land in African we lost everything that could sustain us and now we are sinking and drowning right along with the white man. I thought we had already learned not to take boat rides with the white man.
All I can say at this point given the current situation in America is to get a passport or make sure you renew it if it's expired. If you cannot help save everyone then save your family. If you cannot save your family then save your friends. If you cannot save your friends then save yourself. Peace.
An Open letter To Bitter Women « Result #9 on Nov 19, 2009, 12:35pm »
By Darryl James
This is a letter to tell you officially and publicly that I am tired of you.
I want you to know that it is time for you to shut your bitter ass up, get some therapy and leave Black Love alone.
It’s time for you to stop pretending that your mission is purely pro-woman, while connecting it to Feminism, with it’s confusing, conflicting and often anti-man rhetoric.
It’s time for you to stop making accusations of misogyny every time a man declares that some of the Radical Feminist propaganda has divided families and has demonized men, rendering far too many women incapable of finding love in men they have grown to distrust, dislike and disrespect.
If you weren’t so bitter about the broken promises of Feminism, you would be able to see the difference between Feminism and Women’s Rights. Many men who are strong supporters of women’s rights are repulsed by some of the Feminist propaganda and we should talk about that.
Instead, Radical Feminists have too many women talking about men who don’t support every message from Feminism.
Non-bitter ladies, these are women who are supposed to be your comrades in a revolution that has lost its direction, its purpose and its meaning.
You see, Bitter Women, when you first began to blame men for every problem you have ever come across, many men joined you and proclaimed our own guilt for your misery. And perhaps there was merit to that initial blame. After all, this is a male dominated society.
However, in the decades following the burning of bras and Feminism’s seduction of Black women, things have shifted. And while men dominate many areas of society, public opinion has largely become the domain of women.
In the hands of Bitter Women, men have been painted with the broad brush of misogyny. All of us have been blamed for the crimes of some of us. It has become popular to blame men for everything wrong with the world, including single parent homes, teen pregnancy and youth violence, but one half of the contributing group—women—are held as blameless victims, while also painted as powerful overcoming creatures.
You say that there are no men in the homes, yet men are to blame for the results of child rearing. You claim that you don’t need men, yet men are blamed for your inability to find a good man.
Your propaganda has declared you as independent and has declared men as unnecessary, even as many of your own proponents claim that they are victims of not being able to find what they seek. Your propaganda has declared that you have moved beyond us, yet are still being held back by us.
In other words, you have been playing both victim and victor.
That charade must come to an end.
Is there misogyny? Yes.
Must it end? Yes again.
But there is also misandry and it also must end.
The sad part is that many of you have no idea what misandry is and will be surprised that the hatred of men even has a word.
Because of the blaming of men for everything, far too many people have no idea that there are throngs of men being violently harmed and damaged by women every day, in addition to the men who are sitting in prison because of false charges of domestic violence.
You see, domestic violence is a serious crime, but unless we deal with domestic violence against men and the false charges against men, there will continue to be a growing desensitization to the issue.
My point is that being one-sided is also beginning to harm you.
Your one-sidedness has caused you to literally compete with Black men for the dubious honor of who has been most abused.
Instead of simply stating your case, you have felt the need to downplay the case of Black men as though our community has to make a choice of whom to free. This may not phase you when it comes to grown men and women, but the same choice is being made when it comes to Black boys and girls.
What has to occur is that you listen more, and blame less, so that we begin to talk to each other not at each other. And, you have to pay more attention to Feminist propaganda so that you understand that some of it is harmful, even if you don’t know where it comes from.
Here are a few things that must stop. Right now.
Stop pretending that Feminism is perfect and/or ignoring the messages you don’t agree with as though they don’t exist. Some of the propaganda has us looking at each other with distrust and disdain, instead of being able to talk honestly about which men and which women are problematic.
Stop pretending that men who challenge Feminist rhetoric hate women. There are a growing number of women who find some of the rhetoric divisive as well.
Stop telling other women and men how we should think or act, based not on what is good, but purely on what you want. Just recognize as we should that if a person is not for you, they are not for you.
Stop telling other women what a man should be. Men can speak for what we should be.
Stop telling the world that the men in your life represent all men.
Chances are you have been drawing sorry men to you because you are a sorry woman or because you have been looking for the wrong thing. Something has to change and it should begin with you.
Stop pretending that a man who speaks about one group of women hates ALL women. If the women being spoken of exist—and you do Bitter Women—then deal with the poor behavior, instead of crowing about misogyny.
Stop claiming that any man who opposes you or tells you that you need to do or be something different is “blaming the victim.” You are not everyone’s victim and that line is tired. The net result of employing this too many times is that we can’t talk, and/or in many cases, men just don’t want to talk.
Stop confusing people with your “I don’t want a man and don’t need a man” rhetoric, which flies in the face of your “I can’t find a good man,” rhetoric. If you don’t need or want a man, then why are you looking for a man? And since you make it clear that you don’t need one, why would a good one hang around?
Stop demanding parity when a man speaks of relationship ills.
When any man dares to speak of the wrong that women do, we are charged with outlining the wrong men do to balance things out, yet the reverse never occurs. Your propaganda has been so widespread and so enduring that there are hardly enough of us to balance it out. None of you speak with balance, so quit demanding that any of us do so.
And, before you launch attacks against Darryl James, please understand that it’s not just me. It’s not even just men.
Many women and men are coming to see the fallacies of modern Feminism and the depraved rhetoric of angry, bitter women who pretend to speak for all women against all men.
Those ignorant books, magazine articles and television shows have been the forum for the bitter and the angry for far too long.
It’s time to stop blaming men for everything and time to heal. It’s time to move beyond the anger.
You see, the healing can only begin when we talk to each other.
For more than twenty years, we have been talking at each other.
So, unless you are willing to listen and prepared to accept some portion of responsibility, then it is time for you to finally shut the hell up. After decades of your shrill attacks on men, it is time for you to walk away and allow rational, sane people to see each other as individuals and begin to make things better for us all.
In her struggle for both the rights of Blacks and the rights of women, Maida S. Kemp, the former president of the National Council of Negro Women cautioned women against bitterness.
“Unless a woman learns not to be bitter about defeats and not to be arrogant about successes, each of them, both your success and your defeat can limit you,” Kemp warned.
I’m sure bitter women will find a way to blame me for Kemp’s words, but if your brain is working, you’ll understand her message loud and clear:
Bitter women, your time is up.
Listen to Darryl live on BlogTalkRadio.com/DarrylJames every Monday from 7-9pm, PST.
Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. He released his first mini-movie, “Crack,” and this year, will release his first full-length documentary. James’ appears in the film “What Black Men Think,” an in-depth view of misrepresentations, myths and stereotypes about Black men. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com
Frightened Americans « Result #10 on Nov 5, 2009, 1:18pm »
By Darryl James
"America is filled with terror from North to South and we thank God." -Osama bin Laden
"Either you are with us, or with the terrorists." -George Bush
There was a time in this nation when American citizens believed in their leadership and became afraid of losing life and liberty in time of war.
During that time, Americans at least knew who the enemy was in time of war.
But after the tragic events of September 11, 2001, things changed.
For the first time, America went to war with an unknown enemy.
It wasn’t about a disagreement with the mission as in Vietnam, but a clear case of a confused mission.
The war efforts meandered from Afghanistan to Iran and from Osama bin Laden to Saddam Hussein.
And, in order to stimulate support for the war efforts, the nation’s leadership used fear. Bush and his cronies employed the harbinger of terrorism to explain a war with no true purpose and no real direction.
People in this nation were so afraid that they were willingly giving up their freedom and all rights to individual thought.
Some stupid Americans were so frightened that they were lashing out at any voice divergent from the nation's leadership.
Still, more stupid Americans were so frightened that in their fear and ignorance, they began lashing out at other Americans of Arabic descent or of Islamic faith.
Eight years later, we see the same fear, ignorance and willingness to give up freedoms entrenched in the people of this country as much as any other portion of American life.
We also see fractions of frightened citizens, some of whom want to end American military presence and some of whom want to continue it.
Now, the war efforts are even more muddied, because right wing nut jobs are attempting to blame President Barack Obama for the American presence in the Middle East as though it was his idea.
Saddest of all is the abject patriotism based not on pure love for country, but pure unadulterated fear. That patriotism is sad indeed, because it does not allow for opposing thought or reason, or, even reality.
Eight years of heightened racial profiling, baseless color-coded national scare tactics and a war on a ever-changing enemy has done little to ease the fears of Americans.
America's position as world police and as the big bully on the unstable world block has placed the nation in a position where terrorism can visit these shores at any time.
Anyone who is awake and aware realizes that we should have been as frightened of what could come from abroad as what came from the idiot who just left the White House, who really just wanted the oil in the Middle East and more global business opportunities for his friends.
Through fear, the American people have been duped into supporting a war effort that made promises, but delivered nothing, including the promise to make the American people feel safer.
But, the American people feel no safer, because promises were made before thousands of young American lives were sacrificed.
Among those promises was the pledge to find the person or people responsible for wreaking havoc on America.
Among those promises was the pledge to find "weapons of mass destruction" to reduce our risk of nuclear attack.
America should have been living in fear long before the National Disaster, after pushing other nations and its own citizens around. And, there are other things we should have feared.
While the airline industry was in fear of having itself falter, American citizens should have been frightened of the billions of dollars in Corporate Welfare that was given to that industry.
While the airlines were being bailed out, the average citizen was sinking under water.
Yet, President Obama is being raked over the coals for continuing an economic bailout initiated by Bush and for trying to deal with the American military presence in a manner that does not wreak havoc with hasty decisions.
And some Americans are more afraid than ever.
So, we have to ask ourselves: If America was at war and pursuing a governmental bailout before Obama’s election, what are the naysayers really afraid of?
A Black President, of course.
Most of the anti-Obama propaganda is based on things he never said, policy he never pursued and outright lies about what he can do as President.
Do I support everything Obama stands for? Not necessarily. But I support the divergence he represents—not as a Black President, but as a President who truly cares and who is truly attempting to be bi-partisan and for the people.
I just believe that we need to give him a chance to be President before blaming him for things that existed before he showed up.
And, any of us who are humanitarian should have been frightened that following the national tragedy, many had all but forgotten the pre-existing tragedies like the homeless, the poor and the starving--the huddled masses yearning to be free.
So, there have been no real incidents since September 11, 2001.
But does that mean that we are safe?
We are about as safe as we ever were, which means that we really aren't. But there are ways that we can make this nation and accordingly, the world, a bit safer.
We can reduce American corporate world greed, stop beating on other nations for oil and stop playing world police/bully.
There are also a few things that America should clean up at home first to make it a better nation and less of a hypocrite.
American racism, for example.
It was a good thing for American to elect a Black President. It showed the world that perhaps this nation was ready to accept for itself some of the tolerance and national unity it promoted by coercion to other nations.
But now that the President is garnering opposition and death threats that no other President since Kennedy has had to endure, we are delivering the same old tired message to the world.
That has to be checked, because it has made many nations dislike America.
With our current President, we have an opportunity to show the world something new and something good.
Then, perhaps we can have more international unity.
And then perhaps we wouldn't have to live in fear.
Listen to Darryl live on BlogTalkRadio.com/DarrylJames every Monday from 7-9pm, PST.
Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. He released his first mini-movie, “Crack,” and this year, will release his first full-length documentary. James’ appears in the film “What Black Men Think,” an in-depth view of misrepresentations, myths and stereotypes about Black men. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com
The Lie of A Post Racial America « Result #11 on Oct 21, 2009, 4:22am »
By Darryl James
President Barack Obama did not speak it first nor proclaim it to be in place.
There has been talk of a “Post-Racial” society, but simply put, it is not yet here.
And it can not be here when racist groups are sprouting all over the nation to oppose President Obama’s very existence as President and when the right wing extremists go out of their way to oppose the President in ways that have simply never been seen before.
We are not talking about opposition to the President’s platform, but opposition to things that the President, frankly, has not even presented.
Are the times really different from when dumb ass Georgie was President? No! Is the job of President different? No! Has the structure of the government been changed? No! Is Obama acting without the support of the Legislative branch of government? No!
So, if there are no real changes in the job of President or in the structure of government, we have to ask the question: “Why so much opposition to President Obama?”
The answer is simple: He is a Black President.
While it is beautiful that he was elected by a cross-cultural constituency, it is ugly that there remains a vigilant element in our society that will not allow anyone to move beyond race.
I believe that same element employed the “Post-Racial” argument to avoid having to deal with the persistent inequities in both the public and private sectors and to avoid the fact that we are perhaps more focused on race now than we have been in a long time. And we are focused so, simply because many nutty whites in America can not accept that the leader of the free world is a Black man.
But the propaganda of the “Post-Racial” lie has been pervasive—so much so, that many nutty African Americans believe in the illusion of inclusion, accepting the false premise that the rise of one man has erased four hundred years of racial preferences and racism, the vestiges of which can still be found in every corner of a society that is hardly “Post Racial.”
The biggest problem is that some of us who believe that we have “arrived,” have merely bought into the empty promise of America—the illusion of the melting pot and the reward for pretending that there are no racial barriers and that hard work and education are always rewarded for everyone.
The belief in this illusion is the intrinsic barrier between open and honest communication with the youth, because they are still wise enough to know that there is a problem. Some of them embrace that problem as a reason to work twice as hard, while some of them embrace that problem as a reason to give up.
We do the youth a disservice by lying to them about America being “Post Racial.”
Some of us lie to them by claiming that there is no real struggle based on the color of our skin.
We lie by telling them that the color of our skin never held us back and never really made a difference at all.
We lie and tell them that we excelled because we were simply hearty and smart individuals who embraced the American dream.
You see, by embracing the illusion of inclusion in America and the “Post Racial” lie, we set up a roadblock to understanding. Without the illusion and the lie, we could understand ourselves and others better.
Without the illusion and the lie, we would all be forced to admit that schools in predominantly Black neighborhoods remain severely underfunded.
Without the illusion of inclusion and the “Post Racial” lie, we would have to admit that the preparation for a better life is less sturdy than in other neighborhoods.
And by making these admissions, we would have to say honestly to our white counterparts over lunch, or golf, or cosmopolitans, that America is a dirty bitch, which would make us stand out, God forbid, and have to carry that damned “troublemaker” badge that our forefathers and foremothers carried, but that many of us so timidly shy away from.
You see, Negroes who promote the “Post Racial” lie are unwilling to admit that their benefits in life are the direct result of compromise, which has little to do with those people on the bottom who face welfare, gang warfare, drugs, alcohol, racial profiling and hatred from some of those above them.
The problem is that after the Civil Rights movement, some frightened Negroes were deathly afraid of having to do any real work for the race, having become comfortable with taking the benefits earned on the backs of many, while pretending that their progress is all about the individual.
What we are dealing with is the same attitude felt by the country Blacks when intermingling with the city Blacks, which isn’t really a Black thing, but cuts across all color lines, as city whites neither have any real desire to interact with their rural brethren who they view as less civilized. Part of the inheritance of integration is that now, many citified Negroes take on that same attitude about their brethren in impoverished areas of the same cities.
Because finally, for the first time since our arrival from slavery with the empty promise of freedom, a generation of Negroes has abdicated their responsibility of breaking through and going back to pull up others.
This abdication of responsibility is why we see gangs swell, even following concerted efforts to abate their activity, as if breathing—in with a breath of swelled membership, and out with the deflated exhalation of unsustainable efforts from those around them, but not many above them.
And, with such an abandonment of those at the bottom, why wouldn’t the newly arrived Black intelligentsia feel uncomfortable dealing with the truth about the first Black President’s existence?
The truth is that we have the potential to be harmed as much as healed.
And, we can be harmed if we continue to lie about being “Post Racial” instead of working to actually become “Post Racial.”
Honestly, we have a great deal to lose if we fail to act properly while we have a Black President.
With the lie of a “Post Racial” America, it is easy for rabid racists to advocate for the ignoring of need in impoverished communities.
And with that Post Racial” lie, it is easy for silly Negroes to speak for the Black impoverished, claiming that they are just too lazy, or too weak, or that they only want ipods and sneakers—using these claims as excuses for refusing to assist or to even send assistance, which would be a loud and ringing admission of the true connection that they are simply ignoring for the benefit of their white friends who are really unconcerned.
Rather than doing any real work, or really, rather than admitting that they are one generation and a few paltry decades away from such an existence, today’s disconnected Negroes would rather claim to be “Post Racial” than to do any real work.
But the lie of a “Post Racial” America is so damaging that it will actually prevent us from ever becoming anything but a nation which deals with much of its domestic affairs based on race.
Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.” Now, listen to Darryl live on BlogTalkRadio.com/DarrylJames every Monday from 8-10pm, PST. View previous installments of this column at www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com.
Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. He released his first mini-movie, “Crack,” and this year, will release his first full-length documentary. James’ appears in the film “What Black Men Think,” an in-depth view of misrepresentations, myths and stereotypes about Black men. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com
Caught In The Act « Result #12 on Oct 9, 2009, 12:25pm »
By Darryl James
When teenagers discover sex, the entire world can change and change rapidly.
Such was the case for myself and my high school love, Gina.
Once we began going steady, we began to live and breathe each other.
We did everything possible together—lunch, studying, and after school activities—all of which made us closer.
When Gina and I began to get closer, we would spend endless hours grinding and pressing our bodies together, kissing and touching and fondling and being in love. She gave me limitations--I couldn’t touch her down there, and I could only rub her breasts--but I was happy with whatever she gave me, and it was enough to keep me interested.
But I wanted sex.
I even believed that I needed sex. But I knew that I needed Gina’s presence and her hugs and kisses even more. I knew that more than anything I needed to have this woman love me and need me and think that I was the most important thing in the world.
She was the most important thing in my world.
It seemed to me that we were the whole world and that Gina was the other half of my life.
I thought my life would end one evening when Gina's mother walked in the room while we were in a prone position on the couch. We were holding each other and fell asleep in each other’s arms.
I’m sure it looked like a lot more than that.
“What the hell is going on here?”
Her mother was questioning Gina in the same room my body was in. My mind had left and gone into a safe place that would keep me out of harm’s way. I watched from a distance as her mother spewed out a string of words that I think were sentences when Gina turned to me in a quiet voice and simply said: “You’d better leave.”
No one had to tell me twice. My mind and body merged and the united force slipped out of the house like the wind.
Gina did all she could do to convince her mother that there was nothing goingon, but nothing would convince the unmovable.
“Mommy, I wasn’t doing anything,” Gina insisted.
“I’m not foolish, young lady. I know what I saw.”
“All you saw was him laying on top of me.”
“Isn’t that what people do when they have sex?”
“But we had our clothes on.”
“Only because I walked into the room in time.”
Gina gave up trying to argue with her mother, who was convinced that Gina would start having sex and end up pregnant like her cousin, who was two years younger.
“Once you walk in the water, “ her mother counseled, “you’ll learn how to swim.”
But there was to be no swimming anytime soon, especially since I could no longer visit the pond.
Gina’s mother banished me from her home for what seemed like an eternity, and even though I was deathly afraid of her, I desperately wanted to face her and explain that Gina and I would save sex for marriage, and that we loved each other. But I knew that the best thing to do was stay out of her way because she hated me long before the current incident.
But I didn’t care because I loved Gina.
More than loving Gina, I had a friend in her.
A friendship that grew and blossomed into love--the kind of love that serves as the foundation for a lifetime of togetherness. We didn’t know what we were doing, but we were creating our relationship the right way, becoming friends before becoming lovers.
Gina and I confessed our love to each other in the winter and celebrated that new love as though each day was spring. My world, my entire existence was now based on Gina’s movements. I knew that the seasons were changing by the clothes she wore. I knew the time of day by the shadow of the sun on her chocolate face. I knew that it was a humid day when her pressed and unpermed hair would fall into her face, giving her that messy, yet cute look.
And I knew that one day we would live a life filled with love because we were doing what we both knew was the right thing for the two of us—the right people.
That moment changed Gina.
In one way, she was resolved never to be placed in a position where her mother could lose respect for her. So, even when I was once again allowed in the house, she would kiss me quickly when it was time to go and never allow me to linger.
But it also changed the way she viewed her decision to wait until marriage for sex.
Largely, it had been her mother’s teachings that made Gina feel waiting was a good idea.
And it had been our own love and trust that made me follow Gina’s desires.
We finished high school and moved on to college, still trying to hold on to a childhood love in the midst of oncoming adulthood.
Gina had some new advisors in the friends she made in college and their counsel moved her to decide with no fanfare, no discussion and no announcement that sex would now commence.
Things were never the same for either of us after sex began. There were too many other things in the mix tearing us apart. The added strain of resentment on both sides really left us swinging in the wind.
Gina was left feeling unappreciated for delivering a special part of herself to the man she loved.
I was left feeling resentment that I had been completely left out of a decision that had been made which affected me. Gina had changed to me, and since I did not know why she changed, I didn’t know what else had changed.
We both began to change even more.
Where she could have searched her own soul for her deep desire, she chose to listen to others who were neither mother nor family.
And where she could have had a discussion with me and so made a life changing decision with the man she loved, she made a plan in darkness that did not properly come to light.
In the end, we were both caught in the act—of sex for the wrong reasons, of ending love and of leaving.
Different set of circumstances, different time and different place, but the same feelings of being caught in the act.
Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.” Now, listen to Darryl live on BlogTalkRadio.com/DarrylJames every Monday from 7-9pm, PST. View previous installments of this column at www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com.
Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. He released his first mini-movie, “Crack,” and this year, will release his first full-length documentary. James’ appears in the film “What Black Men Think,” an in-depth view of misrepresentations, myths and stereotypes about Black men. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com
Re: Just Like Compton « Result #13 on Sept 25, 2009, 9:03am »
There is a quote that reads: “Seek goodness everywhere, and when it is found, bring it out of its hiding place and let be free and unashamed.”
That is exactly what you have done with your article. Because of the images and stories that we see and hear about on the news, people assume that certain areas are full of criminals and people taking advantage of the system. But there are many, many good hard working people doing the best they can with the cards they were dealt. Although I haven't lived in a "ghetto" since the 70's I know that not everyone in these neighborhoods are bad people. I would dare to say the majority are decent individuals. It's the minority who have their mug shots displayed on the 6 o'clock news every night that make it harder for those trying to do the right thing.
Skin color doesn't matter to me but culture and society do matter.
Obviously skin color does matter to you. If it didn't, you wouldn't make such generalizations about all Black women. (don't really care what you think about white women).
Clearly, all black women are not the same. And if you honestly see fundamental commonalities in ALL Black women. The problem is not with us, the problem is with YOU.
I would have more respect for a brotha who felt compelled to understand and correct this obvious disconnect between Black women and men, rather than to right us off all together. It's this kind of attitude that sends weaker sistas running to white men in the first place. It's so unfortunate.
Just Like Compton « Result #15 on Sept 25, 2009, 8:28am »
By Darryl James
It was the early 1990’s and I was trying hard to become accustomed to life in South Central Los Angeles.
My house was right on Normandie, several blocks from what would become the flashpoint for the 1992 LA Riots. I was not moved by any of the people who claimed that I had no business living in the ‘hood since I was not from LA.
I had never met a hood I didn’t like.
What I mean is that no matter where I had lived or visited in Any City, USA, I had never had a problem fitting in.
But then it happened.
I was washing my car on the side of my house when I watched a young man leap over the gate and approach me swiftly, saying “Wassup Blood?” I knew I had two options, one of which included running inside my house for protection. But I already knew that once you run from someone in the hood, you spend the rest of your time running. So, I simply met his eyes and watched him as I prepared for a fight.
Instead of flashing gang signs and knuckling up for a fight, the Brother reached his hand out to shake my own. He introduced himself and told me that he and his brothers had been watching my bike sitting outside with no lock for the past two weeks. He said that they made certain that no one bothered it but that if I wanted it, I should lock it up or put it inside.
We laughed about my reaction to his approach. He said I had been watching too many movies.
He not only became a friend, but also my liaison for the gang intervention work I would go on to do.
Through the remainder of the 1990’s, I travelled all over the nation from Harlem to Houston’s infamous Fifth Ward and from my own home in the South Side of Chicago to Watts and Southeast DC, chronicling the life and times of Hip Hop heads in the hood for my magazine Rap Sheet.
What I continued to discover with each trip was that the Rap star DJ Quik was something of a prophet. He made a song called “Jus Lyk Compton,” where he compared every urban area across the nation and declared that they were all just like Compton.
And he was so right.
While many people who are either far removed from the hood and so can not see, or too deeply entrenched and so can not focus believe the hood to be the worst place in any city, it’s really just not always the truth.
I know, I know, we hear the horror stories of the young Black men who are killed by the thousands, but really, those stories are grossly exaggerated.
Out of the two million African American males aged 18-24 that the Census found in 2004, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) listed the numbers for violent deaths amongst this population.
According to the CDC, the three major causes of death for young Black men are homicide, unintentional injury and suicide. Out of those two million young men, 2,140 died of homicide, 948 died as a result of unintentional injury and 332 died of suicide. Even if we add the HIV/AIDS deaths (67), we get a total of 2,539.
Now, of course the negative numbskulls will spout out the myth of there being more Black men in prison than college, but I’ve disproven that myth so many times, all I can say now is either do some research or shut your mouth.
And, outside of being ignored by the police and the media when it’s time to show “Good News,” the ‘hood still contains a great deal of what African Americans should look to and hold on to for survival, if we are to make it beyond the next fifty years with any resemblance of our own culture intact.
I’ll say this at the risk of catching the ire of all the stupid and the ill-informed and the myopic: In Any City, USA, the ‘hood is the last bastion of the Black community as any of us knew it or imagined it.
The ‘hood, after all is where you find real pockets of African American families, homeowners and good old hard-working, tax-paying citizens who vote and put in hard work to raise children to be productive members of society.
Funk what you heard, take a look in the ‘hood and you will be surprised to find pockets of clean homes with perfectly manicured green lawns where children can play safely and old ladies can walk slowly without fear of some young punk snatching a purse or driving by to kill some innocent baby.
And I am not talking about gentrification. I am talking about the Black families who are living in the ‘hood, watching the times change with neighbors they’ve known for tens of years.
I reference the song from DJ Quik, because Compton was the first time that I thought about what I saw when I went there—pockets of streets where a person could be dropped and would not believe they were in Compton as opposed to Baldwin Hills.
And once my eyes were open, I began to realize that most cities were truly, just like Compton.
It’s as though the media’s job is to send out the worst messages about life in Urban America, glossing over the good news and sometimes, outright lying about what can be found.
Sadly, some of us are even worse than the media, spreading bad news faster than the wind spreads the falling leaves, whether it is true or not and often becoming irate in the face of truth, insisting that the ugly lies are the truth and that the truth is trumped up to make things look better than they are.
Inside of the urban blight that graces the news and many of our own ideations of life in the ‘hood, there is something good that has not yet been destroyed.
And, it is still alive in your ‘hood, just like my own.
Just like Compton.
Darryl James is an award-winning author of the powerful new anthology “Notes From The Edge.” Now, listen to Darryl live on BlogTalkRadio.com/DarrylJames every Monday from 8-10pm, PST. View previous installments of this column at www.bridgecolumn.proboards36.com. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com.
Darryl James is an award-winning author who is now a filmmaker. He released his first mini-movie, “Crack,” and this year, will release his first full-length documentary. James’ appears in the film “What Black Men Think,” an in-depth view of misrepresentations, myths and stereotypes about Black men. Reach James at djames@theblackgendergap.com
Re: Black Women And White Men « Result #16 on Sept 21, 2009, 3:20pm »
I would not seriously date a black or white women in America because both of them have been tremendously damaged by white supremacy and consumerism. I will date Asians and Latinas seriously because they tend to value family and morals more until they are corrupted by the American way of life. I have long ago stepped outside of the Matrix but most black and white women are still well within it with no clue how to get out. Most will never make it out because of the 24/7 media onslaught of lies, myths and propaganda they cannot see through. Skin color doesn't matter to me but culture and society do matter. Until these women get their heads straight I have to relegate them to sexual roles only because I do have needs and they are still attractive to me.
Re: Tired of bama type hip hop « Result #17 on Sept 21, 2009, 12:39pm »
I agree. I am not a huge fan of hip-hop and the rap world. But we just can't single out rap and not address the images of Black people in the media. We can't down rap music and then laugh our asses off at a Wayans brother movie. We can't find rap lyrics disgusting and then sit in front of the TV and watch Real Chance at Love. Perception is reality! When non-Blacks, and heck, some of us too, see these programs they believe this is who we are. It's so much more than just "bama" type hip hop. It's a "bama" mentality that some folks seem to be stuck on.
Re: New Age Dating Question « Result #18 on Sept 21, 2009, 12:30pm »
Kasila84, it sounds like you already know the answer but are just looking for confirmation. Unless this young man is 16 years old, he would have asked you out if he was truly interested. Texting and such is for little boys. A MAN would do things the right way. Call you. Ask you out. Get to know your likes and dislikes, etc. A woman should not have to ask a man out, especially, not on a first date.
I'm not expert on dating, but that is my honest opinion.
I'm conducting yet another Poll to see where people's attitudes are today regarding dating. Please vote the way you actually conduct yourself on dates.
The Poll question is: "Are you open to sex on the first date?" If yes or no, please leave a comment as to why. If none of the choices appeal to you, please vote "Other" and then leave a comment explaining why. Please be sure to take a few moments to actually vote in the poll.
If you wish to add commentary, please do so. I really want to know what men and women think about dating in 2008.
Darryl James
I've done it and perhaps will do it again. But here is the thing (and this may be perplexing). I would never consider pursuing a long-term committed relationship with a man whom I've had sex with on the first date. He would instantly go into the "maintenance man" category. I think some men want to see how far a woman will go on the first date as a test. However, I view it as a test as well. A man who would even try to sleep with me on the first date obviously doesn't want to get to know me. So if I chose to take it to that level and have SAFE sex with him, it would be strictly to have my needs met and that would be all. I wouldn't look at him the same and there would be no chance at anything significant in our future.
Re: Black Women And White Men « Result #20 on Sept 21, 2009, 12:20pm »
Black woman dating white men is a choice. I agree with that.
While I refuse to settle for a Brotha who can't bring to the table all that I require, I also refuse to date outside my race. I'd rather keep my pride and self respect as a Black woman than to run into the arms of a non-Black man. But again, it's a choice. Those sistas who choose to date white men have to do what they are comfortable with.
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